Do you ever have moments when you feel as if you should say something, but you don't even know what to say? You're left with a total loss for words. I envy those who always seem to be able to come up with something to say. I have found that when I don't know for sure what to say, I should just keep my mouth closed.
Today's iv is several jokes where the one person is left with nothing to say in reply.
A laundry-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
She replied, "It depends — what does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Green Bay Packers."
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.
"What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
A church was celebrating its 100th anniversary, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.
At one point, the minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking them, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"
There was silence. But finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally."
To the question, "Are there too many immigrants in Britain?" 17% responded Yes; 11% responded No; and 72% said "I am not understanding the question, please."
Here's a little help for geezers, in case they run across any young people and need to understand what is being said and perhaps how to reply:
no problem = you're welcome
ex: Do you want lemon with your tea?
—Yes, thank you.
absolutely = yes (or no)
ex: I wonder if you'd like some popcorn.
awesome = yes; I approve (or admire, or anticipate, etc. Can be safely substituted for any verb).
ex: I'll make us something to eat.
Bonus conversational tidbit:
Mary has a skin issue. or Mary's having a bad skin day. = Mary has a skin problem.
If you find yourself unable to apply any of the expressions above to the conversation, simply say "whatever," and walk away. Or if you have a cell phone, pretend it's vibrating, look at it, say "awesome," and walk away as if you're talking to someone.
Has anyone left you speechless lately? Have you noticed that many young people say "No problem" or similar expressions instead of "You're welcome." Do you have any others to add to the list above?
"It's far easier to constrict than it is to instruct." – Rick Cross
Textaphrenia — when you think you've heard or felt your cell phone vibrate when there's actually no message or call at all.