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What Doctors Think of the Bailout Plan

picture of doctor withstethoscope

As I try to look ahead to some of the potentially interesting issues in this new year, the unfolding of the economic bailout promises to appear frequently in the news. For someone who is "economically challenged" like me (read: not terribly savvy when it comes to most things economics related), it's all a bit confusing. There are all kinds of so-called experts whose opinions are extremely divergent concerning the bailout plan.

I read something interesting recently that I thought would make a good blog post, with a bit of tweaking. It's how America's doctors view Washington D.C.'s Bailout Plan.

Doctors' Opinions of Financial Bailout Plan

The allergists voted to scratch it, and the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The physiotherapists thought we're all being manipulated. The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling that it was not something they could stomach. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the audiologists wouldn't hear of it; the pathologists said, "Over my dead body!" while the pediatricians advised, "Oh, grow up!"

The psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness; the radiologists could see right through it; and the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The microsurgeons were thinking along the same vein.

The internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; and the plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter." The podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas; and the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say much of anything.

In the end, the proctologists, concerned that we're already in arrears, wanted a probing analysis.


Even though what you've just read is a tangle of puns, I'm sure that doctors and nurses may actually have some strong opinions about the most recent attempts of the government to take over various sectors of our nation's economy. Nationalized health care seems to be looming on a horizon that seems less distant than in previous years. Time will tell. What are your thoughts?


"The zenith of God's sovereignty is that man, acting in his own self-interest, still accomplishes God's plan." - Dr. Chris Barney

=^..^= =^..^=

An apple a day keeps the doctor from having to remind us that he has not made a house call since 1966.

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11 Comments on “What Doctors Think of the Bailout Plan”

  1. #1 Dave
    on Jan 5th, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    The last line absolutely killed me. Well done. You’ve inspired me to try something similar to this. I’m not much good with puns though.

  2. #2 Ray
    on Jan 5th, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    With nationalized medicine, you’ll only have to wait two weeks to get emergency surgery. Seriously though, I saw a TV news magazine show a while back where a town in Canada had a drawing (your name was kept in a shoebox or something similar in the town hall) as to who would be able to see the only doctor in town that day…

    In regards to the bailout:

    The dentists thought it was the crowning irony while the chiropractors thought many of the politicians were spinally challenged.

  3. #3 Carrie
    on Jan 5th, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    As Ray mentioned, all one has to do is look at how socialized medicine has worked in other places, including our military. We have had good experiences, but the big bases can be a nightmare.

  4. #4 Rob
    on Jan 6th, 2009 at 6:28 am

    @Dave – Are you referring to the last line of the doctors’ opinions or my sig line at the end of the post? (I tend to think it’s the former, which was a fun “tweaking” of an otherwise totally unacceptable punchline!)

    @Ray – I’ve heard really bad things about Canada’s system. Maybe some Canadian readers could shed some light on this. I hear of a number of them who finally have to cross the border to the US to get much needed treatment/surgery. Will we have to go to Mexico? (Horrors!) Thanks too for your punny additions.

    @Carrie – I’ve also heard some scary stories from military people, especially concerning veterans’ hospitals. Glad you’ve had good experiences.

  5. #5 Ann
    on Jan 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    Recently, I read of a man in California who has cancer. His insurance carrier was refusing to pay for chemo. They told him that the ONLY thing that they would pay for was meds that would end his life. He fought it and the insurance ended up having to pay for treatment.

    Also, I saw a news story on tv some time back. It was about the Canadian health care system and how long it takes to receive care. It featured Canadians who would have died waiting their turn in the Canadian system. The people interviewed hired a “medical broker” who arranged treatment for them in America. The broker ended saying, “If America goes to a national health care system, where will I send my clients for medical care?”

  6. #6 Michael
    on Jan 6th, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    We should probably start referring to the bailout plans (plural) since we have the Wall Street bailout, the Detroit bailout, and eventually the Main Street bailout since another stimulus plan is in the works.

    Perhaps the funniest part about the line on proctologists is that it begins with “in the end”.

  7. #7 Ray
    on Jan 6th, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    here’s one from a good friend at work…

    The orthodontists said that no amount of work could retain this misalignment.

  8. #8 Roy Hooper
    on Jan 6th, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Hi Rob!
    Nice change to the blog site showing the Paris skyline with the Eiffel Tower in the foreground. Got a good laugh from the medical puns relating to the government bailout.

    Commenting on “looming” national health care: Today we have insurance companies that to a great extend tell us what health care is available to us. Living in Canada through my teen years, I’m not so sure that nationalized health care would be any worse than what we have now; a very expensive, greed-motivated industrialized health care system that has very little to do with delivering health care but more to do with maintaining a society of sick people forced to rely on the greed-motivated pharmaceutical companies to keep them coming back for more drugs. Drugs never make one well. This industry thrives on an uninformed public who don’t really want to take responsibility for their own health. As our society decays morally further, individuals become more covetous and the social conscience for the welfare of others especially in the area of health care disappears (47million Americans w/o health care) are we not inviting government to takeover a system that at some point in the not to distant future will collapse anyway? What ever happened to medicine as a calling?

  9. #9 Rob
    on Jan 7th, 2009 at 7:48 am

    @Ann – The case you mentioned and the news report you told about are the types of things that are being said about some of the issues involved – insurance companies dictating what treatment we can get and the inefficiency of a governmentally-run health care “system.” Is one better than the other?

    @Michael – Good point about the plural nature of the bailouts. I think we can expect to see them multiply as we see our government either borrow more money or print more money – neither of which is a good situation in itself. Glad too that you like the pun. There was even more to the last pun, but ivwoman suggested it might be a bit too much for something that was already funny enough. I bowed to her discretion. 🙂

    @Roy – Glad you like the new look of my blog. I plan to mention it again in a post. For anyone who stumbles upon this comment, here’s a preview – one of the features of the blog design is random, rotating header pictures. I had some other great pictures of Paris in my files that I can now use as header images for the blog.

    As far as your comments about the current state of medical practice in the US go, you make some good observations. This whole issue has so many considerations and angles that it boggles the mind. What you say about some in the medical industry wanting to lead us to a medical existence is certainly a factor, but it is not true of all doctors. Many doctors would prefer that we take better care of ourselves so that we can live without some of the medications available. The ignorance of our populace (sometimes willful ignorance or other times simply choosing to ignore) certainly is a factor. I think I’ve coined a German expression that most Germans would understand (unless, of course, it already exists in their language. It’s “selbst gekruppelt” = self-crippled. It’s truly sad to see how people abuse their bodies and health by overeating, lack of exercise, smoking, etc. to the point that there are natural, physical consequences. In spite of all the information and warnings, so many choose to get to the point that the only choices are intense suffering or medical intervention. And yet another factor in medical costs is the current obsession with suing for medical malpractice when it’s not warranted. Medical personnel have to pay so much for malpractice insurance, that we all end up paying for it, one way or another.

    So, you see, it’s not an easy issue at all. But I’m not sure that yet another sure-to-be-poorly-run governmental program is the answer either. Does anyone else out there have solutions to offer?

  10. #10 Michael
    on Jan 8th, 2009 at 8:27 am

    @Rob — Indeed, our wives keep us all from destroying civilization. Thanks for bending toward her will.

  11. #11 Rob
    on Jan 8th, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    @Michael – You are most welcome. 😉