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Yet More One-liner Puns

This week is our annual Bible Conference at school. Can we already be this far along in the semester?! Five more weeks of classes, exams, and it's the end of another school year!

A longtime reader sent me a list of puns earlier this week. I tried to remove ones I have already posted and added some others I've found along the way. Prepare to groan and laugh.

When deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry, heads rolled.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.

The president of the Ennui Club was also chairman of the bored.

I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.

Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.

The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.

Drivers who speed in the snow often find themselves adrift.

I asked a librarian if she was free this afternoon, but she said she was all booked up.

When you purchase stuff south of the border, you don't peso much.

The termite wanted to lose weight, so he started eating more lattice.

I tried reading a book about mazes, but I got lost.

If you have ever tried to eat a clock, you know it's time consuming.

The other day a clown held the door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune.

He was so skinny, his shoulder blades kept cutting his shirts.

I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending.

Do birds know where they're going when they migrate for the winter or do they just wing it every time?

The thing the lumberjack loved most about his new computer was logging in.

In ancient Egypt, papyrus farmers taught people the importance of reeding.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

I've been trying to come up with a joke about a Moebius strip but I don't know where to begin.

New lightbulb joke? Enlighten me.

I chose my gastroenterologist based on gut feeling.

The best thing to carry with you when you start feeling tired is a knapsack.

I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation.

The hairless goat wished that it had mohair.

The divers had to be careful because the octopus was heavily armed.

I bought a ton of staples and pushpins all for $3.99, plus tacks.

Are cartoons produced by the Japanese government animes of the state?

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

The girl quit her job at the doughnut shop because she was fed up with the hole business.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

I had a hand in the puppet show.

When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions.

Let's just enjoy the time that's hours.

Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organizations.

Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream, butter, and cheese. How dairy!

The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified.

Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision.

When they voted on whether to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here. I’ll go on a head."

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

The leopard was so good at guessing. Every time he was spot on.

Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

When a bunny rabbit needs grooming it goes to a hare dresser.

The church insisted on a new seminary graduate. They were looking for greener pastors.

What did the mother clock say to her baby when he misbehaved? OK, you’re in a time-out.

It's easy to buy clothes for a psychic because you know she's a medium.

Quasimodo bought a Ford Focus. It became known as the hatchback of Notre Dame.


"Don't fight the battle of heaven with the tactics of hell." — Drew Conley


Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but a third has groan in significance.

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1 Comment on “Yet More One-liner Puns”

  1. #1 Joy
    on Apr 3rd, 2015 at 9:33 am

    Love your posts!

    Rob adds:
    Thanks, Joy!