I have received several lists of sayings that are called “Zen Sarcasm.” I thought of them today at work at IT Help Desk when we were talking about the Novell Zen agent used on the network. I don’t know that either the agent or the list of sarcastic witticisms have a thing to do with “Zen,” but I pass the sayings along for your amusement.

Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

4. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

10. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

11. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

12. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

17. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

18. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our bottom …Then things get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and laxative on the same night.

21. There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday … around age 11.

24. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

25. That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

26. The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

27. The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

***
This is a big week in our family. Thursday is Nora’s birthday, Megan and Jim’s anniversary, and Mark and Katie’s wedding rehearsal. Jim, Megan, and little Drew should arrive sometime Thursday mid-day. And then Mark and Katie’s wedding is Friday evening. I will probably post some pictures this weekend of all the various activities and celebrations.

I’ve been a bit nostalgic this week with all the things going on in our family, and I thought of one of my favorite pictures of a delicious moment in parenting. This week’s bridegroom was 6 months old in the picture below. Sunrise, sunset….

quotation…

“Into the fabric of the normal, God weaves miracles.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

(If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses).